Saturday, March 14, 2009

Sarcasm is not becoming

Is it pregnancy itself that makes me more sarcastic than usual? Or is it the exceptional number of sarcasm-causing comments that I get while being pregnant? I prefer to think it's the latter, though my husband may disagree.

What is it with people that makes them think a woman's body/child-spacing/future is fair game once she gets pregnant? Don't people (other women, other mothers, especially) realize that the hormones and sleeplessness that go hand-in-hand with gestating a human make one less able and willing to receive such insensitive comments with grace? Honestly...

*The following comments are all actual things that have been said to me over the past seven months - and more than once.

"Wow, Jaclyn! You're HUGE!" Yeah, you too!

"Two under two, eh? You're going to have your hands full!" Really? Hadn't thought of that. I was thinking it would get easier the more kids I had.

"Pregnant AGAIN? You do know what causes this, right?" No, care to explain it to me?

"Wow, you're actually going to eat THAT? (Pointing at whatever evil brownie/cookie/peanut product I happen to be holding.) I guess you're not too worried about your baby!" Baby? No, I only worry about my taste buds.

"Are you really going to drink that coffee?" Yes, but don't worry - I made it good and "Irish".

"So you'll be done after this one, right?" Done talking to you? Quite likely.

"You're planning to have more? Have you considered the cost of university educations?" Yes. But it's okay. We plan to encourage all our children to drop out of high school and spend their lives flipping burgers or maybe cleaning people's windshields for spare change.

"Do you know what you're having?" Well, we hope it's a baby, but you never know - could be a small kitchen appliance.

Just for the record, I've never actually said any of those responses out loud. Usually I just smile and bite my tongue, or say something nice and polite. At least I only have about eight and a half weeks left. Oh, but then it's "You still have 2 months left? Where are you going to put the rest of it!" I'll tell you where I'd like to put it...

See? I'm sarcastic and NOT NICE!


Jenna said...

Bahaha! This is the best post ever! By far, THE BEST! I'm sure you know I relate to this weird phenomenon.

I've been lucky that at least 1/4 of the time, people, even strangers, say something SWEET to me. The rest of the time, however, I am given ample opportunities to exercise my fake smile.

Elena said...

Here are a few of the ones that I have heard:
1. Well, we know what goes on at your house.
2. (When pregnant with the twins.) Don't worry, it's obviously soon. (I imagine they meant the end of my pregnancy.)
3. (When expecting Joseph at the end of November.) So, the next one will be a year February and then 18 months from February...
4. (When Joe was 2 weeks old and then two months old.) Not pregnant yet? (This was said to both Dave and I on separate occasions.)
5. When a friend was giving me hand-me-down clothes, her husband said, "What? Not maternity clothes?"
6. What does your husband think about this? AND Does your husband know?
7. Don't you know how this works yet?
8. And, to Dave: Surely, you're not going to put your wife through this again?
9. And, to me: What are you going to do with three? I actually replied, "I imagine that I'll look after them.
Ok, I've totally hogged your comments but there are so many memories. Something tells me life will be a bit better in BB.

Helen E.M. Wright said...

PLEASE!! Say those comments out loud to someone and tape it while you're doing so! I would pay money to watch that!!!

C never got 'the talk' from his parents so when we were pregnant with G I really wanted him to ask (right after we told them the news), "by the did it happen?".

Julie Culshaw said...

I think you ought to try saying them now and again, after all Joan Rivers had a career out of these types of remarks. If you are looking for a secondary income, perhaps stand-up comic is in the works.

Julie Culshaw said...

I have often wondered why people feel they have the right to say anything to pregnant women. It doesn't work the same way for you; I mean do you feel you can ask couples without children why they don't have any? you wouldn't dare, but I for one always want to.

Jenna said...

Here is a sampling of some of my favourite weird comments I have received in the last few months.

Other person: Whoa, looks like you put on a little weight there! Better lay off those barbeques!
Me: Ha, funny. And isn't it fascinating that my weight is all localized to one area?

As I entered a room:
Other person: Speaking of waddling. . .
Me: Hello to you, too.

Complete stranger: Aren't you terrified to give birth?
Me: Um, I dunno, should I be? (Although I felt like saying, "Well not normally, but thanks for implying that I should.")

Charming fellow: There is nothing more repulsive than a woman in labour.
This was followed quickly by someone else in the room who said:

I have heard of lots of men who were on the wrong end of the delivery bed and never had another kid after that.

Friend 1 (female): Apparently 90% of men find pregnant women sexy.
Friend 2 (male): I must be part of the 10%.

Co-worker (when I was only about 4 weeks pregnant): "I told my parents you're pregnant. My mom said, "Already?" My dad said, "Well, it only takes one night!"

When someone asks me my due date, and I tell them, any one around campus knows that's during my husband's exams. They like to point that out, as though either of us were unaware, and occasionally people will even say:

"Well that wasn't very well planned, now was it?"

I never have a response to that. It would delight me once, just once, though, to say, "Neither was what you just said."